Archives for category: Rant

Suffering from growing restlessness. Thinking of leaving Kathmandu indefinitely. Hell with the West I am gonna go to the East.
Kathmandu is rotting from the core and that is why it smells like a Mount Everest of shit. I am tired of men openly urinating in the streets. I am tired of the infinite and never ending traffic jams. I am tired of Kathmandu and everything that reminds me of Kathmandu. And I hate dogs. Dear reader, please do me a kind favor by gunning down all those stray dogs in Kathmandu. The very air that I breathe is poison here in Kathmandu. People just don’t seem to know what’s good for them anymore.
Keeping in mind the exodus to the West taking place in Nepal, I will just head to the East. I choose to get away from the stampede.
Booked a ticket to Biratnagar. My family is from Biratnagar and from a broader viewpoint the East or Purba.
Just finished packing. With my jhola I am headed to purba as a thirsty traveller. I do not expect luxury and I do not want luxury. I want to open a new door even if it means breaking and entering. Like Devkota, the sky is my blanket and the bare Earth is my bed. The pen is my AK 47, the Internet is my publisher and depravity is my enemy.
The only blessings that I ask for are those of my readers.

Finished my SLC and came home. Gushing with happiness from inside. Can happiness be like a geyser?
The SLC center destined for me was Nandi Ma.Vi. A school named after a cow. It’s dilapidated benches and crumbling walls show the apathy of the government towards education. An apathetic government conducting a pathetic national level examination.
SLC was a surreal sequence of events. Woke up every morning at six in the school hostel. Dress up, brush, defecate, get fresh and try to remember everything you tried to cram into one’s head in a limited time period.
A baun was called upon to render his services. Came in casual clothing, slipped into the toilet and came out as a baun proper wearing traditional clothing. All of us waited in line for his blessings. Can blessings also be commercialized? But that was only the beggining. Our teachers also came and we swarmed them after which we showered them with dhogs. Parents also came to shower us with blessings.
There was a large crowd outside the governmental ‘cow’. The gate opened at about 7:45 am. Everybody rushed in, simultaneously wishing their friends best of luck. The exams were intensely silent. But if you were to look deeper then you could hear whispers and murmurs of guesses and answers and see eyes looking at the paper of the examinee on the side. When I took toilet breaks in the middle of the exams, I saw students retrieving the books and guides that they hid in the toilet and tearing pages out for use in the exam. The toilet was the center of sin in Nandi and probably in the thousands of other SLC centers throughout the country.
Then the ‘school leaving part’ of SLC came, results and certificates come at a later date. The end is still to come. After the end of the last exam we went back to school, had group hugs and group photos. “End of SLC!” we yelled and began packing our bags. But the end was still to come. We still had an English practical exam left which remained a mystery.
We were dragged back to the ‘cow’ once again to get a taste of governmental english. Of course we learnt at the end that the english practical test was a farce. It was divided into two parts: listening and speaking. In the listening, we were herded into one of those archaic government classrooms. And then a moustached dude who looks like head detective in CID came. He also had that common gift of overacting. He gave an intro that nearly short circuited my brain. The way he spoke English, it was like he was trying to create a new dialect or creole of it. Everybody in the room was either covering his face or biting his lip to control his laughter.
Then we got shepherded into another room to wait for our turn in the speaking test. Our enthusiasm was washed down and we began to talk about what we would do after we got home.
When we got back to the school for the second time we were all like “yeah, let’s end it now for sure.”
There are couple of things that you cannot deny about SLC. One that it a rite of passage no different from a bratabandha or bar mitzvah. People’s recollection of their SLC always sound like a Bildungsroman novel. Like Pip leaving Miss Havisham’s pecuilar net or Stephen Daedalus leaving his Ireland or Gandhi leaving South Africa. Like all them I am leaving the school with an deeper insight into life and sahitya.
But again every year thousands of students just mug up like hell and vomit all of it during the SLC exams. Isn’t it a co-ordinated ritual where mass vomiting takes place? As part of SLC, having the same answer, blending into the crowd is more important than standing amongst the bland. The country is vomiting itself into oblivion.